Winter has arrived with a mighty pimp hand to slap down the weak and make us all want to hibernate. I’ve been feeling an exhaustive melancholy. Last night I cuddled on the couch with my pug, my blanket, and watched television to distress and relax.
My wife and I are celebrating Jour de Cadeux in our traditional fashion. I have already created new games of strength and cunning to torment my nephews and nieces. Wait until they see my new version of Chubby Bunny! BWA-HA-HA!
This has been a long and challenging year as a person and a writer. My brain and my heart were put through the wringer chasing dreams and trying to drag them to the light of day. The number of amazing opportunities I was lucky enough to have this year was overshadowed only by my lack of time due to commitments. There were two work offers that literally made me weep because I had to politely reject them due to a lack of time and energy. Being a professional means taking an honest look at your available time and making smart decisions for both you and your potential employers.
Here are some of the projects I worked on this year:
- Working as the Developer for MET: Vampire The Masquerade nearly ate my sanity.
- I became a freelance contributor for Shadowrun. (Note that my contribution has been exceptionally small at this point, but it was neat to see the inside and learn from Catalyst Game Labs The other projects kept me from getting involved as much as I really wanted, but I am looking forward to future projects. I created a couple of really fun puzzles for the social media teaser projects. I am looking forward to getting more involved with this wonderful property.)
I had to learn how to navigate between soul-crushing terror and blind hubris. I wasn’t always successful on either extreme, but I think I learned some important things this year. It is better to make an honest mistake and learn from it rather than to be completely paralyzed.
The hardest lesson I had to learn was that we can affect the world and the people in it, but we can never control anyone but ourselves. People are complex universes of stories, pain, and love. Some of these stories will always be a mystery. It is impossible to know everyone’s motivations. People will hurt you by conscious purpose or otherwise for reasons and motivations that might not have anything to do with you.
We all have demons, challenges, and insecurities. The moment that blew me away was when I realized that everyone else is just as insecure as I am and somehow that made things harder not easier.
I’ve messed up a lot in life. I’ve had a lot of failures. I think it has made me stronger and weaker at the same time. This year I think I made a couple more steps towards being a good person. I credit the love of my wife and supportive friends.
On days like this, I listen to Led Zeppelin. It helps me access the parts of my brain that dream. I will leave you with this song from the Hammer of the Gods.