The Spirit of Jour de Cadeaux

A few years back, there was a Doctor Who Christmas special based on A Christmas Carol that really touched my heart.  The story was awesome.  My favorite quote was a throwaway line towards the beginning.  “On every world, wherever people are, in the deepest part of the winter, at the exact mid-point, everybody stops and turns and hugs. As if to say, well done. Well done everyone.We’re halfway out of the dark.”

doctor-who-christmas-special-1Hot blond opera singers are cool!

I have always loved stories, especially Christmas stories.  I’m not sure why.  I think it might have been the old Christmas claymation shows.  I always identified with Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer with my big nose.  I appreciated the island of misfit toys.

HermieRudolphHermy the Elf just wants to be a dentist!!!

Alas, I no longer celebrate Christmas and this isn’t a Christmas song.  This is about how my wife and I celebrate making half way through the dark.

The first year I was with my wife during the holidays was a magical time, but she was very political and didn’t like the idea of celebrating Christmas when neither of us actually believed in the Christian faith.

There was another serious problem.  I had bought Lisa a very expensive set of earnings and I wanted to give them to her.  We had only been together for a few months, but I knew I was in love with this beautiful woman with a shapely bottom.

How could I get away with giving her presents when I felt like it during the holidays rather than wait for December 25th?  This was a serious problem.  As soon as I wrapped the little bastards, I felt an urge to spoil her.  I taunted and teased her like I was dancing at the Doll House.

The answer was simple.  We invented our own holiday.  I called it the Day of the Polar Bears, but Lisa eventually rebranded it  Jour de Cadeaux, which is fake French for the Day of Gifts.

Image This was me in my twenties and early thirties, except with less hair, especially on my head.

Once a year, the Polar Bears and the Penguins swim from their respective poles to visit with us.  Historians note that the exact day of this pilgrimage depends upon the melting of the polar ice caps, traffic, and paydays.  It can be any time from December 10th to the end of December.

Participants  must wear polar-bear or penguin pajamas and perform dances and sing songs to their love ones.  This is to simulate the actual courting practices of the polar bears.  Those dressed as penguins are then chased around the domicile leading to the bed for warm cuddles under the blankets.

Animal-AwarenessPenguins make out like teenagers on a sugar rush.

The participant that gives the most thoughtful present wins the day of celebration and then for the rest of the day may dictate all cuddles that happen that day and night.

Children must perform feats of daring and charm so that the polar bears are appeased least they be mauled before getting their presents.  Usually Chubby Bunny!

Isn’t this less creepy than a guy in a red suit sneaking into your house and eating all of your cookies?

3 thoughts on “The Spirit of Jour de Cadeaux

  1. Pingback: Does Anyone Remember Laughter? A Review of Life, Writing, and the Hammer of the Gods | The Universes of Jason Andrew

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