Depression, the Black Dog, is a fierce opponent. It comes when least expected and burrows into your brain. Color drains from your entire world. You dwell on nothing but regret from miss opportunities, rage against your failures, and drown guilt from the wrongs you’ve released into the world. Every rejection is a sting that burns your stomach.
The last couple of weeks the Black Dog bit me square upon my buttocks and refused to let go. Life has had the occasional bumps as it is wont to do on occasion, but nothing out of the ordinary or unusual. I felt tired and worn. And utterly defeated. I became a couch commando and tried to drown my sorrows in freelance technical writing work.
The truth is that I felt this way inside for a large portion of my life. I felt unhappy, but didn’t really want to express it because that’s a weakness. I get antsy when people ask me about my childhood. Weird that the little things can bug you from 30 years ago.
I feel like I only really became alive in the last decade when I turned the corner.and decided that I wanted to have a good life.
Yesterday, I hit my morning word-count and then noticed that a marvelous Seattle sunbreak and decided to take advantage of the situation. Otter and I took a jolly adventure around the neighborhood and I started to see the colors once again.
I feel very lucky that I have friends and family that support me emotionally just when I need it. Lisa ignored her own painful toothache to comfort me. She has always been there for me, even when I was lost,
I woke this morning excited to be alive looking forward to the craziness of life.
The wheel always turns. When things seem dark, wait for the wheel. And look at lots of pictures of pugs and kittens on the internet.